An epiphany 3 am in the morning.

I woke up at 3 am and all of sudden I have a mixture of thoughts that just fits together. I am not very good at putting my thoughts into words. So if what I am about to say doesn't make a lot of sense, I forgive about this.

I have been questioning about me and my peers about our career. It seems that in my generation this is the ultimate important goal in life. Get your career, work hard, move up the corporate ladder. Get that certification, get that nice job, get that nice bling..so on and so fourth. To an extent, we have been pressure or believe or raise in the culture that money is a big factor in your life and success.

We also have this believe that work should be some fantastic dream that we wake up everyday and screaming "OH I LOVE TO WORK this or that. I can't wait to get it started". Which in reality, it is hardly true. I ain't saying there ain't jobs where people get fulfill. I am just saying that most of my peers, myself include, dislike what they work for one thing or the other.

I ask would it be really bad if u work in a place that u hate and it is a 9 to 5er. Most of my friends say yes. And part of me also agree. I also ask..why can't u find a job that is not the greatest but it gives u the money, the means to do what you are passion for. Say triathlon. I mean does the J-O-B has to be what our whole life is base upon? Before I go on, I have to always have a disclaimer stating I ain't saying it is ok to be lazy at work. I am just saying maybe we are putting too much hope and glory in this J O B that at times really ain't there.

Anyways, back to my point. So what's my point. Well, I woke up, thinking about this and realize, hey there is someone I know did give up the fancy shamcy career and bling bling for something he believed in. And that's my dad.

You see, my family emmigrated to Canada from Hong Kong back in '88. My parents have no University education. Both have worked hard in the bank industry. My dad was a manager. I remembered the days when he use to take me to his branch on the weekends and he did his stuff while I do my homework. I also remember the times at my mom's branch during xmas party where I run around and must had create all sort of havoc. They pretty much give up their career to come to Canada. My dad still work at the banking industry right now. Being an emmigrate in a cultural that values local experience and a degree, he doesn't have the best jobs. I am sure it is much lower than a manager.

This ain't my point yet. My point is that I often look at how amaze my life has been. I mean, if you are to talk about star aligning and what not. That's my life. If my parents did not decide to come to Canada, I wouldn't be here. I would be six feet below ground. This is as simple as tart.

I was diagnosed with liver cancer back in late 89 or early 90 (ha, I don't even remember the exact date). It was my first doctor checkup. You see, Canada has social health care, meaning that all the surgery and the drugs keeping me alive right now are paid for by the government.

If my parents decided to move the family to USA or stayed in Hong Kong, there is no way they could afford my operation and you wouldn't be reading this blog right now. It ain't a difficult concept to accept. But one that I am truly grateful for, everyday.

Now here is the kicker, my parents did believe in something greater than a job. They sacrificed their career for the benefit of their children, me and my sis. If they stay in Hong Kong, I am sure they can build a very solid career in the banking industry. Instead, they give that up and come to a foriegn country to work in some low end job. Imagine, working the next 30-40 years on a not so great job with an unsure certainty on career advancement (if there is even advancement). I can't imagine it. Maybe I am still young in my age.

Perhaps, I need to ask the question from a different perspective. This ain't just about a job. This is about life. Perhaps I should be asking my peers, what values you hold that you believe that is important to your life. And such, how does these values correspond to where you work, what you do and how you live?

This is the first kicker. I believe that the reason why most of me and my peers are frustrated with life is not b/c the job sucks. It is because our live does not correspond to the values that we hold dear to us. Maybe soceity or marketing did a good job at selling us that hey if you get the education, get the job, get the car, get the wife, get the house, get the dog, you will have a happy life. If this is true, how come rich people has to kill themselves? They should be the most fulfill people among our society. Often contentment and material wealth are rarely correlated.

As a new Christian, I have trouble putting what I see things into Christ. Tonight, though concepts and things are starting to connect. I mean, they should connect if I truly believe that everything is created by God and nothing is by chance.

The kicker, as scary as it be, that hey what if tomorrow I face the crossroad deciding going for my career or going for my values. The career or JOB, as it seems, still quite tempting. If you are in the IT industry, you know you can easily be making 60, 70, 80 K. 100 K if u work hard. Would I give up my values for the bling bling?

The second revelation is that I am often wonder how come people (and Christians include) often complain about life. This sucks or that sucks. This is bad or that is bad. If anyone has it worst, that's my parents. They work 9-5 everyday for a crappy job. And then go home and has to deal with me (maybe they look forward to leaving the house to work instead of dealing with me, hehe). They didn't even complain one bit. They could say "screw it, we have worked hard enough and you guys are old enough to take care yourself". They didn't say "hey we work hard at work and therefore we deserve a well rest at home".

I once read that being strong is an attitude. Compare that to my parents, it is so true. If I really believe in Christ giving me the talents and blessings to take care of me, is there a reason why I can't have the attitude of strongness? I don't see why not. I don't see why I can't brave all the obstacles of life. Eekk..this is the second kicker of the night. I can work hard in everything, period. Hard at work, hard at home, hard at training and hard at Church.

If there is one talent I have. It is the ability to apply principles I learnt from one area of my life and apply to other areas. Be it at work apply to training or vice versa. Once I understand the life's lesson, I have to apply it.

I do get weakat times. It is easier to say, hey this ain't my fault or I wish I can be ignorant and didn't have this thought. I can't. Once I see it, I see it. Now I can put all these thoughts together and it is scary. B/c if I drop the ball.

I can't blame God. I can't blame others. I can't blame the situation. I can only blame myself. God has given me all the controls of my life. He has given me all the necessities I need and I am the Captain of my ship.

I often ask myself..."if to get to what you want and you have to give up everything, would you do it? If so, what's stopping you?"

Note: Before I woke up, I dreamt that my road bike is a motorcycle and I was pushing it uphill. It was cool, I can shift the gears and it will turn itself off.