Friday, July 28, 2006

Accept everything about yourself--I mean everything, You are you and that is the beginning and the end--no apologies, no regrets. - Clark Moustakas

I remember back in Highschool, I would be nice to anyone. Often I would wonder why someone ain't my friend. I can't say it drove me crazy but it did nag me once in a while.

As such, I didn't have a good experience. I did my best to please everyone, to join the crowd.

A few weeks ago, the highschool gang decided to meet up for a reunion. I didn't went. We went to highschool together, yes. But I never felt close to anyone. They are nice people but I never felt like I am part of the group.

There was some guilt feeling about not being part of the group and I should show up. I was glad I had a Bible Study so I quickly shrugged the reunion off.

Looking back, the problem isn't about peer pressure or other external factors. It is about me.
The past seven months of training amplified that.

What do you do when you decide your life does not fit with who you are? When you do realize that the obligations are not olbigated at all?

And such,

"it means you have to ditch your old support system, family or friends...You have to inflict pain on people who love you. Oh, they can still be your friends, still love you - but the seat you've saved for them at your Inner Circle has to be given to someone new. And this is never done without the sting of rejection and the collar of guilt. Why do so many people hush the longing to be someone different? It's not because they don't have notions of what they'd like to be. It's because they don't want to be the kind of person who abandons friends and takes up with a new crowd. When is it running away, and when is it the best thing for you? It's always looks like running away to those you're leaving behind. And if you've ever run away before, you're open to that criticism."

Criticism I have received. Criticism I will receive.
Criticism does sting. But it will never compare to the despair of regret and self doubt.

Going to the cottage with Fellowship this weekend, shall be good.

Before I leave, I will include a lighter side of my week. I went to had my bike fitted at my local bike store. The fitter took one look at bike cleat on my left shoe, he told me that I put them backwards and there was no way it would work with the pedals.

Can you say IDIOT? :D. I can't wait to do some long ride and see how much better I feel witha a better fit and shoe that CLIPPED to the pedal.

Great weekend all..


Anonymous said...

ROFL!!! You put your cleats on backwards??? lol. Sorry, had to laugh.

I was always kind of an outcast in both middle school and high school myself, guess that's why I've never been afraid to go outside the lines. If anything I'd rather be unique in some way than the same as everyone else. There is a reason why we all have minds of our own. Time to start thinking with them instead of doing what everyone else does.

Darren said...

Re: your last few posts.

I'd rather be a person who challenges the 'rules', then to be the one who conforms to them. Conformity breeds oppression. Just think how many great minds and/or athletes we'd lose of they all obeyed the rules.

Even though friends and family may think they have your best interests at heart, isn't it presumptuous and a little elitist for them to expect you to conform to their wishes? I understand it's more complicated than that with other factors like culture coming into play, but ultimately, your TRUE friends love you for who are you, not for what you have or what you do.

Who is farther ahead in life development? The cuban social worker, or the I-make-100k-a-year-check-my-bling guy? I'd guess the former.

Lol, you got me rambling on. I must be going for ride now.. but before I go I better check my cleats!

Spandex King said...

High school is such a short time in a persons life, but can leave scares that last a life time. If YOU let them. One word, DON'T. Those years don't matter, those people who judged you don't matter. It's all up to you. Good luck.

elaine s said...

So I'm part of your new circle of friends????? Whose seat did I take? :) hehe......You better give me a christmas card this year too!

I've strayed away from a lot of my high school friends since I've moved to university. I think I was "close" to them in high school but since then, I've only kept in contact with four. Now I think of fellowship people as my close friends -yes, they have "replaced" the old friends!

William said...

High School sucks! I would skip too. Those people just dragged me down, lots of them are still that way today.

Love the cleat story.

Have a relaxing weekend.

Donald said...

There are so many crazy things that happen during those teenage years, you shouldn't feel compelled to be the same type of person you were back then. Be the person you want to be, and you'll find the right people to support you.

Carrie said...

There are always people you will have to leave behind in life. People cycle. The real champs are the ones who will hang in there with you even when they don't understand why you make certain choices. Those are the people who need to know your appreciation so they WILL always be there. Sometimes the people you think will always be there are the first to bail on you. I learned a big lesson chosing a life I was convinced was "best" for me and leaving my real support system behind. I left myself with nowhere to go and had to work to get those people back in my life.

Just remember most change means growth- if not now, it will come later. And growth is good.

Hilda said...

I had fun when you said they are nice people but... well!

I think it is hard to find the right people. Better to enjoy looking for inside us... This could be related with why to train... the better company is ourselves reagarding what we can achieve!

Boris' Dad said...

high school was most definitely the worst time of my life.

glad to hear that you are moving on* ;)

Habeela said...

Great post. You have to turn your back on some people in order to be true to yourself - it's inevitable. And it's only at that moment that you will discover who your real friends are because they are the ones who will understand and accept you even if you aren't who they wanted you to be.

jameson said...

great post cliff...

"What do you do when you decide your life does not fit with who you are?"

This is exactly the realization I had back in November of 2005 and when I jumped into triathlon. I am still in my first year but I feel like I have really found myself through all the training and racing. I know it sounds kind of cheesey.... but it's true.

qcmier said...

You've had a lot of great thoughts in your last few posts. You have such a strong sense of being that I am sure you will be fine.

And I hope the cleat makes you an even better rider.

Trifrog said...

And you were riding with them backwards?

I skipped my 20yr recently as I've grown to realize that I didn't like the people I went to school with, they didn't like me, and I don't have to prove anything to them anymore.