Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Me

I was reading Mike's blog. Other than the fact that he is faster than me and probably smarter than me (he is a grad student), I understand feel a lot of what he is going through.

There is a large part of me that is quite dark. I can't explain it. It ain't evil. It is just dark. Maybe a part of me enjoy the pain. Maybe it is because this is the same pain that I experince growing up. Maybe this is the only way I can feel alive. [Just a word of caution. The songs are dark and contain foul language.]

That's my only conclusion for my love for Linkin Park. If there is any songs that can personalify me, it will be from them. A lot of their songs dealt with their struggle as a band. A lot of friends and love ones must have turn their back on them. Mike Shinoda, one of the member in the band, is half japanese, half american. Can you imagine going to school for 10 years studying piano then decide to throw it all away to start up a band? On top of that, write songs in hip hop, in which Japanese is rarely seen on the scene. They must have face countless of rejections but they hold true to their passion.

And look at them now. Winning Grammy's and Mike started his own project, Fort Minor. I just heard one of their songs on the radio last night (the one I am playing on my blog). It is so moving. I can feel the pain, the struggle, the torture. I downloaded their album (all legit, http://www.allofmp3.com). I love it. I love it not because it is happy and makes me feel happy. I love it because it ain't Hollywood glamour and spice. I love it because it lets me feel some of the pain that others are feeling everyday. And I am here feeling self-pity? Sorry. That ain't going to happen.

There is one song call Remember The Name. This is how the song start..

This is 10% luck,
20% skill,
15% concentrated power of will,
5% pleasure,
50% pain,
And 100% reason to remember the name!

I am fired up just listening to this song. Today, I must have replayed 20-30 times.

Today's training

30' swim drills - 20' zipper drill, 10' free
- Head over to the eye doctor. She said eye infection is getting better. See her next week. Went back to the community centre after.
120' long run - 40' easy (HR 150-155), 40' medium (HR155-165), 30' hard (HR 165 - all out), 10' Cool down
20' swim free (right after the run)

I am exhausted. Exhausted in a good way. The 30' hard portion was brutal. Breathing was hard and had to be focus. The mind wanted to quit. But the body kept going. I kept going by breaking the distance apart. Ok, there are five traffic lights. Pass the first light, 20% completed. Great. I was stretching in the hot tub afterwards, the quads were on fire. Good stuff.

Interview also went very well. The boss liked me. He must like my toothless smile :D.

11 comments:

Kewl Nitrox said...

Hi Cliff, I think we all have our dark moments. It is good that you see yourself for who you are and appreciate yourself.

While I am not a fan of PAIN (too old to be macho), I do like the BRUTALITY of Triathlons - after all the motivation, techniques, equipment, etc is done, we still have to go out there and gut it out. :D

God never asked us to live life with kid-gloves on. I remember that when Jesus sent the apostles out, he taught them to be "as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves". (Matthew 10:16) I think you are on the right track. Keep up the good fight!

Mike said...

Cliff- music is a great motivator eh? It definitely keeps me moving, especially on the long runs. Since my ipod crapped out, I have been without music- suffering withdrawals lately!
allofmp3.com - thumbs up!

E-Speed said...

glad the interview went well!

William said...

Hey Kewl "as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves". (Matthew 10:16)

I try to use that verse when dealing with work and life all the time.

Hope to hear more about the job!

IMmike said...

Cliff,

Thanks for the posts you've been leaving and for relating to what I've been going through. (BTW, come on, I'm not fast or particularly smart. There are guys and girls out there much more talented than me.)

This sport is TOUGH. Tougher than most people realize, but I think that's what draws us to it. It's a challenge to overcome ourselves. And along this journey we have bumps in the roads and moments when we question ourself, "Is it worth the pain?" "Is it worth the sacrifices?" Undoubtably the answer is personal, but for most of us it is "Yes, it is worth it." It's just for me, when things hurt a lot, sometimes I lose sight of that.

BTW, thanks for the song recommendation, I'm going to download it this morning.

jessie_tri_mn said...

I secretly like those dark moments. They add clarity that I don't get when uber happy.

Heh, repeating a song all day long? Been there too :)

Glad the interview went well.

Habeela said...

The best part of life can not be experienced without the dark moments to make you appreciate the good ones. I too love Linkin Park but my identification with them is also changing as I grow and as training changes me. But I like to listen to their music because it reminds me of where I've come from and where I'm going. Great post.

Rachel said...

I know that exhausted in a good way feeling. Take care of yourself. ;)

Rae said...

I think we're all a little evil inside, it helps us appreciate when we do good for others!

I love Linkin Park, too. I've got some of their songs in my running mix!

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